Global Warming Killed the Loch Ness Monster

The Loch Ness Monster has succumbed to global warming, according to long-time Nessie hunter, Robert Rines. The 85-year old American will abandon his search for the monster after four decades of fruitless hunting. He plans one last trip to Loch Ness in search of Nessie’s remains.

Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming. – the Daily Record

Rines is not just some crazy old dinosaur-hunter and he’s no slouch either. His list of achievements started as a child when he played a violin duet with Albert Einstein at summer camp. He went on to invent technology that lead to the kind of high-resolution image-scanning radar equipment that was used in the Gulf War, as well as ultrasound scanning devices used to search for the Titanic and the Bismarck. He was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 1994 and received the 2004 Boston Patent Law Association’s “Lifetime Achievement Award” for his contributions in the field of Intellectual Property. Rines has been at the forefront of Nessie hunting, a sport that began in the 1930s. He was hooked in the early 1970s, after seeing a hump, 25 feet long, glide through the waters. Since then he has made many trips to the Scottish loch, buying his own lakeside cabin and setting up a Nessie shrine room in his Boston home, dedicated to his favorite prehistoric beast. His high-tech scanning equipment captured a number of images in Loch Ness, including the famous “flipper” photograph, which some people suggest is a hoax. He plans a final visit to check out around 100 contacts on the loch’s floor, to see if any of them are Nessie’s remains. For this Nessie hunter, the monster may be gone, but not forgotten.

As he prepared for his last hunt, Robert said: "What am I to do - forget what I saw? There are a lot of eyewitness accounts. Are they all liars? All drunks?” – the Daily Record

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Anonymous (anonymous)

I think it's funny that they've declared a creature they've yet to prove dead. Not only that, but they've even declared a cause. lol

Written in April 2009

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  • Posted on March 15, 2008.

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