Industry Insider
Birthed just sixteen years ago in a modest mansion overlooking the sands of _______ Beach, ______ has enjoyed unprecedented growth thanks in part to having a gigantic sales force and, more likely, thanks to an engorged ad budget bragged to be bigger than all the other companies in the _____ industry combined. Luck? Whatever you want to call it. The beautiful thing about working for a company with no green initiatives, no recycling of our by-products, no guilt - not even a little green washing of any kind - is that we can be gluttonous in every corner of our corpulent corporate lives. When you get to be the size of this (closing-in-on-2 billion dollars) "Sweet 16" - picture Horton compared to the WHO he barely hears - you get to consume and spew outrageous amounts of alcohol, food, paper products, petroleum products, employees, wives, children, pollutants, lawsuits, concubines, competitors, ethics, brain cells, and all manner of inhibitions. The massive party was held at the hottest nightclub Vegas has to offer. The guests who weren't members of the corporate nightmare were the Who's WHO of the_____ industry. Each one trying to out-drink, out-flirt, out-maneuver, out-crass, out-fornicate the next. There was a burlesque show, table dancers, pole dancers, strippers - and that was just my co-workers egged on by the Chairman. It felt like the last days of Enron-Gomorrah. But that was just the party, lets talk about the $4000 nights that preceded it, nights filled with food and drink that our vendors were expected to ply us with. The vendors who service ______ do not disappoint. One night at _____ and drinks flowed crazy like the Mississippi river over Iowa. Food? Yes, there was food - a wagon-wheel sized lazy Susan groaning with delicacies that were consumed between endless shots of tequila, bottomless beers, expensive cocktails and bottles of pricey champagne. Dinner? Of course there was dinner, but who cared? Let's have another round! All this pricey revelry went on for hours and hours and hours and came to a fitting end - the limo driver screaming like a baby over the pile of barf steaming next to the rear passenger door. I too was screaming like a baby, the vile pile was blocking my diva like exit. Who did it? Who would barf $4000 food and drink in a $500 an hour limo? The vendor himself, that's who. I picked up the hem of my disco jeans and gingerly Jimmy Choo'd over the offending pile. A good drinking buddy and sport, I thanked the soberest of my humiliated hosts with a giggle that lasted all the way up to my well appointed room. Let them eat cake I cried into my expensive linens. Let the Hard Core Industrial Offenders party on. Loathsome.
Oh, I feel dirty and bloated just thinking about the booze consumed by The Industry at _____'s corporate "Sweet 16" party. Held in Vegas, it was the party of all parties to celebrate our total domination of the ______industry.
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