You know when I see you spanking your child and screaming out of control. You're a bad mother. Not always, but at that moment, you are a bad mother.

I think we all know that, on occasion, we are all bad mothers.

Today, though I'm talking about one bad mother in particular. The mother who poisons her child (often while poisoning the planet).

Recently, I saw a grocery cart that looked like this (one pre-packaged, over processed, high fructose corn syrup item on top of another):

There was one remarkable difference. There was a baby in the cart at my grocery store.

You don't have permission to poison your children. You. Just. Don't.

If you're looking for ways to ensure that your children, and the planet, have a lifetime of illness, check out the Kraft Website. This school lunch is almost as effective as punching your child in the face. It's called the Mountains and Forest Sandwich. Catchy title, eh?

In the top left corner we have tomatoes, hurray! (sadly the celebration is about to end.) Moving clockwise is a Capri Sun. Landfill alert, I think we all know that a reusable thermos is the only way to go. Let's take a quick look at the "nutrition" involved in the Capri Sun juice.

Amount Per Serving:
Calories 90
Total Fat 0g
Sodium 30mg
Total Carbohydrate 23g
Sugars 22g
Protein 0g
Iron 2%

The Jello, as we know, this is a snack that no child should live without. Every meal should include dessert, no? *insert sarcastic tone here* Ignoring the fact that it's a treat (as opposed to a staple), can we get back to it being completely obnoxious and irresponsible to buy single serving packages?

Here are the Jello ingredients (if you made it at home there'd be sugar instead of HFCS):

Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar, Gelatin, Adipic Acid, Sodium Citrate , Citric Acid, Red 40, Artificial Flavor.

And the nutrition information:

Calories 70
Sodium 40mg
Total Carbohydrate 17g
Sugars 17g
Protein 1g

Keep looking and we come to the sandwich. According to the website you'll want these ingredients.

KRAFT 2% Milk Singles
1 slice  OSCAR MAYER Bologna
1 hot dog bun
1 Tbsp.  MIRACLE WHIP Dressing
1 lettuce leaf

Okie dokie folks, here's where you get to really abuse the crap out of your kids and the planet. A milk single is wrapped individually so not only do you get to poison them, but you can create yet more of a carbon footprint with your ever expanding pile of trash. The earth we leave behind will be polluted enough for them to die of carbon monoxide poisoning, long before heart disease.

Ingredients: Part-Skim Milk, Whey, Skim milk, Milk Protein Concentrate, Sodium Citrate, Contains Less than 2% of Calcium Phosphate, Milkfat, Gelatin, Whey Protein Concentrate, Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Sorbic Acid as a Preservative, Cheese Culture, Lactic Acid, Artificial Color, Vitamin A Palmitate, Enzymes, Vitamin D3.

Nutrition:
Sugars 2g
Protein 4g
Vitamin A 4%
Calcium 25%

When you look at the percentages, understand that these numbers are based on a 2,000 calorie a day diet. If your child is under 10 it's more likely that their calorie count is significantly less (1400-1800).

Oscar Mayer Bologna

Ingredients : Mechanically Separated Chicken, Pork, Water, Corn Syrup, Contains less than 2% of Salt, Sodium Lactate, Flavor, Sodium Phosphates, Autolyzed Yeast, Sodium Diacetate, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrate, Dextrose, Extractives of Paprika, Potassium Phosphate, Sugar, Potassium Chloride.
And the nutrition:

Calories 90
Calories from Fat 80
Total Fat 8g
Saturated Fat 3g
Cholesterol 30mg
Sodium 300mg
Sugars 1g
Protein 3g
Calcium 2%
Iron 2%

The hot dog bun is the next ingredient. Let's use Ball Park Hot Dog Buns. The one in the picture looked very white and very fluffy.

Ingredients: Enriched Flour [Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate , Riboflavin, Folic Acid], Water, Skim Milk, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Yeast, Soybean and/or Cottonseed Oils. Contains 2% or Less of Each of the Following: Salt, Wheat Gluten, Dough Conditioners (May Contain One or More of the Following: Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Mono- and Diglycerides), Corn Flour, Turmeric and Paprika (Color), Natural Flavor, Yeast Nutrients (Monocalcium Phosphate, Calcium Sulfate, Ammonium Sulfate), Soy Lecithin, Cornstarch, Calcium Propionate Added to Retard Spoilage.

Nutrition:
Calories 120
Calories from Fat 10
Sodium 230mg
Sugars 4g
Protein 4g

Miracle Whip dressing goes on top of all this loveliness. It's almost like donning a set of brass knuckles for the final Ka-Pow!

Ingredients: Water, Soybean Oil, Vinegar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Modified Food Starch, Sugar, Salt, Eggs, Egg Yolks, Mustard Flour, Artificial Color, Potassium Sorbate as a Preservative, Paprika, Spice, Natural Flavor, Dried Garlic.

Nutrition:
Calories 40
Calories from Fat 30
Total Fat 3g
Cholesterol 5.0mg
Sodium 125mg
Sugars 2g

And one lettuce leaf. Assuming you pick a dark green leaf you'll add approximately.... nothing nutrition wise to the lunch, because it takes a cup of green leaf lettuce to even be measured.

Thank you for indulging my outrage. If young mothers everywhere follow the recipe set out for them by Kraft Foods they will give their child a host of chemicals and corn syrup (most likely from genetically modified corn) punctuated with the following for lunch:

460 calories
145 calories are from fat (more than 31%)
1015 mg of sodium (about 2/10 of a teaspoon)
48 grams of sugar (slightly more than 10 teaspoons and mostly from aforementioned GMO corn syrup)

I dare you to sit your child down and put ten teaspoons of white sugar in front of them, ask your child to eat it. Worse, try to get them to eat 10 teaspoons of straight high fructose corn syrup. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I'm going to beg you to love your children's insides as much as you adore the outside. And love the planet while you're at it!

*All labeling information was found at Vons.com (where there is a wonderful produce section, by the way).